A few posts back, I mentioned the odd lumps I had discovered in my left breast.
These lumps had prompted me to reflect on my life, even though I wasn’t worried that it was over.
Turns out, they were tumors.
When one hears “tumors in your breast”, one most likely begins to freak out. Although, I wouldn’t say I’m freaking out.. Or maybe I am, I don’t know.
I guess I don’t know how to feel. At first, I didn’t consider it to be a big deal. Due to my age, my doctor is optimistic the tumors will be benign. Part of me thinks I’m silly not to worry, wouldn’t anyone? By the same token, if I do worry, will people judge me? When the results are benign would people say “What a waste of time”?
Then I began to receive ominous letters in the mail, pink pamphlets to read, and phone calls to schedule doctors appointments.. Add that to binge watching Grey’s Anatomy and late night Google searches.. Suddenly there is a part of me that begins to think, “Well shit.”
And now I find myself talking about it.
Saying things out loud, because if I don’t my mind will begin word vomiting in my skull. My insightful husband, who has somehow managed to remain incredibly calm since finding out the cysts weren’t actually cysts, has helped me redirect these thoughts, helped me walk through any sort of unnecessary fear. There’s nothing to be worried about, my age, we’re optimistic. And even if the results are the worst of the worst, it is what it is. There’s nothing to do. Everything has already been set into motion, my path has been decided and no amount of fret will change the outcome.
This has been a substantial reason to practice Letting Go, an excellent motivation to work on Patience and Acceptance. A significant time to say, “life on life‘s terms” while turning it all over.
Like I said, I’m not even worried.. Or maybe I am..
Nonetheless, I am letting it go. More importantly, I’m having faith in something bigger than myself.
Thanks for letting me share xox