So, I’ve been reflecting on my life a bit lately. Isn’t that what the New Year is all about? What did I accomplish, what do I intend to tackle?
This particular time of reflection led me to contemplate the woman I was 1523 days ago and how my life has transformed. Where it went as planned, and more importantly, where it took me by complete surprise. There are many things about sobriety that I wholeheartedly believe in, one of those things is that the universe will provide. One way or another, if we are putting our desires out and the footwork in, we are bound to end up right where we should.
Someone… Something… The universe. Is listening.
I remember my third or fourth night of detox, sitting on my hospital room floor, writing in the dark. Writing about everything. Writing about nothing. I ran out of things to say, yet wasn’t ready to put the pen down. Turning to a blank page and wrote, How I Want My Life To Look In 3 Years. I listed everything.
Everything I wanted, both the physical and emotional things.
From pretty nails and a Vespa, to meditation with a sense of peace. I wrote it all out. I don’t know why the simple act of writing the silly list was so helpful, but it was. Four years later it’s something I often recommend to people. People new to sobriety, or people just struggling to find their purpose. I think the list helped me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Helped me to picture life worth fighting for, since the one I was currently living surely didn’t give me enough to look forward to. For whatever reason, the seemingly impossible list gave me hope. And hope was what I desperately needed. I kept the list for a while, I hung it in my bedroom. It’s still around, I have many boxes full of journals and memories. I’m a hoarder of my soul. The list will pop up somewhere when I’m desperately needing a smile, and then I’ll ugly cry with gratitude.
I don’t remember every hopeful goal, however, I remember a few.
In certain aspects, life had plans other than my own. For example: when I found out I was pregnant, I immediately realized a car seat wouldn’t strap to a Moped, I also don’t own Slug Bug (yet). I was given two kids rather than the one puppy I had hoped for, and I haven’t yet undergone the plastic surgery I’ve been anticipating.
However, in many ways, my hopes were granted. My nails are healthy and lovely to look at when painted. I take yoga and I camp in the desert. I’ve cut out a very toxic boy from my life, whom I never dreamed I’d escape. Furthermore, I’m in a healthy and overwhelmingly happy relationship with an incredibly handsome man, (my list seriously read, “a happy relationship with an attractive guy”). I finally completed my DUI classes and eventually earned back my license. I have gone back to school and although I haven’t found exactly what I’m passionate about, I am well on my way. Most importantly, I have remained sober. I believe that was the most unrealistic hope of them all.
Yet here I am, 1523 days and I still haven’t picked up a drink or drug, yet. (One day at a time, of course) Thank you, universe.
Obviously it wasn’t just the list that helped my hopes materialize, I did a lot of work. Nonetheless, it was The List that helped me establish a path, and the Universe held my hand as I conquered the path.
And now, here it is, 2018. Maybe you’ve decided to quit drinking, maybe you’re trapped by your demons. (Aren’t we all?)
My first suggestion would be; sit, think, and write it down. Put it all out there. Look for the light at the end of the tunnel, I promise it’s there. What’s your number one Ideal?
For now, I’m done reflecting. And although today I am no longer hopeless, I’m going to write out a list, start making strides, and see what the universe has to say.
Thanks for letting me share, xox